August 16, 2006

I care too much

i realized just now that i'm still young enough to care too much. this whole week, i've been hammering away at a mountain of work that i NEED to finish. my (soon to be ex-) coworkers are all amazed that i'm working so hard in my last few days. when i told one dev manager yesterday that i was working on a piece of documentation and asked him a few questions, he looked at me like i was crazy. with a bewildered expression on his face, he said:
"when's your last day? friday? this friday? and you're working on this? i wouldn't."
i took it as a good sign that i was still willing to pour in so much effort three days from departure, but just now i realized it might be depressing to care so much sometimes. i was downstairs on a conference call with someone who'll be starting here and moving to the bay area soon. considering that we weren't going to have any time overlap, i thought it'd be great for the company and my team if i spent a few hours in a web conference with him, getting him prepared and excited. i spent a solid hour beforehand digging up old slide decks and outlining all of the various ongoings. after briefing him on the current projects, giving him tidbits on the new exciting features in the pipeline, and advising him to stay out of the tenderloin when looking for housing, i was rewarded with a heartfelt 'thank you' and many kind words. awesome! i came upstairs, practically bouncing from the good deed and genuine appreciation. sound great, right? with just an hour or so left before 5, i was ready to plug away at some work and call it a day (i mean, it IS wednesday on my last week of work). i was greeted with sobering news: due to circumstances completely out of my control, a project that i had been working on for many moons had been shelved. organizationally, the move makes complete sense and i support it wholeheartedly. but like so many things in the big corporate world, the news on the ground looks a lot worse than it does in the air. and now i just feel disappointed. i've got two more days left at work here. i'll probably never work at this company again. i'll probably never work in this industry again. and yet i'm crushed that this piece of code isn't going out the door. is this strange? i'm thinking i just care too much...

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